Solace…as I was milking our goat late last night the moon babarely flickering through the clouds, the rain pinging lightly on the tin roof of the barn- I was covered in immense calm-solace. In that moment I was grounded…rooted to something stronger than any amount of depression or desperate inhibition. It was just me , God and the animals.
Everyday we hear of someone committing suicide. This week was the two Parkland survivors and the father of one of the Sandy Hook victims. I cried reading the stories about them. It was devastating. I cannot imagine the amount of desperation that they felt…the emptiness…of knowing that their loved ones were gone. I really cant imagine being the father whose daughter was gunned down. He tried to find his Solace by researching violent behaviors on a neuroscience level….he did amazing things for everyone else but he couldn’t help himself.
Oftentimes we are like him, especially those of us that are first responders, we help everyone but we can’t dig ourselves out. We dont give ourselves time to find solace and then we lose ourselves.
On my end, I never wanted to come out and ask for help. After my chikdren were born …like 24 hours after…I was not myself. No one tells you how much you will cry and how much you will HATE your husband for sleeping (love you dear) but gosh do you ever. I remember carrying Wesley around attached to my breast walking laps while hearing David snore…talk about wanting to plot someone’s death (j/k) . What I’m getting to is depression comes in all forms and sometimes can be hormone fueled BUT it is still depression. For me I got the double dose-anxiety from being a medic and having been a magnet for bad pediatric calls and then having post partum depression. I knew I had to find solace.
All of these people want to say “you aren’t alone” “why didn’t they talk to someone” the thing is they probably tried but they were too busy appearing bubbly and happy. Depression happens in all forms with many faces and we ALL go through a rough patch at least once in our lives.
So…find your solace. Step away. Put your phone down and walk. Get away. For me, it’s my animals, everyday after the boys are a rep I switch their camera on so I can watch them and go to the barn. I brush my horse and donkey. I milk my goat. I talk to God. I find God in those moments and He is my Solace…what is yours?
I’m always here to help or listen if you are having a rough day. My animals are here for anyone to brush. They are better than therapists . Find your solace before you can’t ❤