Under attack

There’s nothing quite as reassuring as knowing your body is trying to kill itself. When you’ve always been slightly ditzy but then realizing your cells are just as dumb…I mean you would assume at least your hardwiring should work right?

I’m coming up on my 29th birthday Saturday and I think my brain is confused..maybe I have Alzheimer’s? ….like maybe I’m one of those people who is content in thinking the nursing home is really my home?? And I’m actually like 99 instead of 29??? Gah I feel like it.

I’m not complaining- My goal in speaking out is to bring reality to everything. Maybe it’s to sort this out in my brain and make myself feel less insane or maybe it’s to make my readers learn to look beyond the cover and have empathy for everyone they  meet despite their age.

Right now it is 3am 😳 y’all I have taken phenergan, flexeril, AND Benadryl in the last like 10 hours…

WHY am I not comatose????

Any average person would be unconscious as if they had had a night on the town- but NOPE my body doesnt think it needs sleep because who sleeps during battle ??

So the super cool thing about in ring autoimmune is you get to take medicines to FIX YOU but they strip you of any immune system.

Doc :” now don’t be around anyone that even looks sick…wear masks in public spaces….avoid children if possible”


Me: All due respect but I’m a paramedic…Im a mom of toddler boys…this is impossible

Soooo what happens when I work on the truck four days in a row….then,move hay for Pappy….I get some crazy ridiculous sinus/upper respiratory infection… Then I get a giant shot in my hip socket to calm down the raging trocanteric bursitis that’s going …ugh it has been a day.

And I have to teach at the college today….

Everyone has some physical battle. We are never 100%healthy, even if we look like it. I have friends and mentors who are currently battling cancer…some for the first time…some for  multiple times. Some friends have depression-we all battle this at least once- especially if we have a disease to go along with it- or maybe you just had a baby and your hormones are battier than all get out. I get it and I get you. If you ever need a listening ear -I don’t care if I know you or not, I’m here and I get it. These last three years have shown me what being sick means. I have a pharmacy in my kitchen….injections every 2 weeks…at least two doctor appointments every week…but Im alive and fighting this nonsense so I refuse to complain. But I do have days. I have days where I am a sobbing manic mess ready to just give up but then I get over it and try again.


Whatever your battle is…you are allowed to hit rock bottom…multiple times….but after that …..shake it  off and get back on your horse (or donkey 😜) and ride it out.


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